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I spent my life living in my head, and I didn’t even know it. I had no idea what was wrong with me. I lived this way for a very long time. I did the best I could; I tried really hard, but I was not okay. No matter what I thought, or what I did, I was not okay. I was looking for something to make me better. I wanted what I didn’t have. I wanted to live like I saw other people living. I thought everyone else was doing good except for me, everyone else was happy and I wanted to be anyone else but me. I didn’t know how to enjoy what I had, or where I was.
I know now that living in the past or future leaves no time for living now. Living in the past or future doesn’t allow me to be available for anyone, because I am not really present. I knew I wasn’t really there for others in a real way, so I would beat myself up about it. I wanted to be a loving, caring person but I just couldn’t do it. I could do nice things for others and somehow, I thought, that doing for others made up for not really being there. People thought I was sweet, but I felt fake. I wanted to love, more than anything! I just never could, I didn’t know how. I didn’t realize that I couldn’t love if I was living in my head. Living in my head caused me not to be able to see what was right in front of me.
Love is in the heart. Love is felt. It is not in the thought process. It is wonderful to love. I can be in the moment now with others and really be there for them! I can love in my heart now! I am available to others and to myself! I used to be afraid to feel, but I learned that a feeling would not kill me. Feeling instead of thinking was just what I needed to do. Stay and feel!
When I learned to live in the present, feel my feelings, stay out of my head and stay in the moment, I also started experiencing God inside of me in a way I had not known before. God lives inside of me, and when I started staying there with Him instead of living off somewhere in my head, I became aware of His presence inside of me. It isn’t a head knowing like I had before, but it is now a heart knowing. I knew the bible said that He lived in me, but I hadn’t been experiencing that reality in my life. Now I know the reality of Him living in me. He is present in me, and I can feel it. It has changed me. It has changed everything. There is no where I would rather be! Him and me together holding hands inside of me. When I pay attention to Him right now, turn my affection to Him right now, He is always there. He doesn’t go anywhere. If anyone goes anywhere it is me. I can either hide inside with Him, or hide from Him. The choice is mine. There is no place else I would rather be than here with Him, inside, right here-right now.
It is my passion and desire to help people learn how to realize His presence inside. When that happens, no matter where you are, or how bad it might seem, you are never alone. You can make it because He is there with you, no matter what.